I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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