just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
