That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
