Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
