Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
