if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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