is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
