i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
