So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
