I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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