yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
