just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
