so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
