I think I died a long time ago.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
