I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
