He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
