Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
