a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
whose parrot is this?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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