you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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