I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
