I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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