I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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