sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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