the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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