I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
