stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
