How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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