That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
