That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
