So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
