I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
