The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
