If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
