i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
