I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
