Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
