Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
