possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize