Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
