I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
