remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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