i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
