DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
