Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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