Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
