dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When are your genitals available?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
