I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
