Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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