i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she told me i tasted like america
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
