He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
