I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
