Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
