You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We are all done wearing pants today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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