dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize