U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's shark week go big or go home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
