i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
