Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
