I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
