if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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