a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
