I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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