He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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