just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
