Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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