Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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