pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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