dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
