u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
