You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
