Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
