How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
