How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
