Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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