Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
