I wish I could teleport
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
