Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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