my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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