Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
did i walk over a car last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize