I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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