dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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