he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
