no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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