Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
