you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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