I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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