when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
