I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
