I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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