This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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