considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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