Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
