I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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