I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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