What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
